Dr. Sunday--
I have a question. How do we make the whole world posi?
--Awesome in Ohio
Great question, and a great first post of the New Year. (For those of you keeping score at home, I've taken a little time off, as my health and other concerns have been in the forefront)
So. You want to know how we can make the whole world "posi." For the kids who aren't quite hip enough to know the usage, or those of you who lack the ability to figure out what we're talking about here, I'll nutshell it for you. We're talking about a positive outlook on life, positivity. Being upbeat and having a world view that encompasses a bit more than waking up vomiting and crying, hating your way through the day to day routine of your job, school, whatever, and then going home to mope into the wee hours of the morning; lather, rinse, repeat, etc etc ad nauseum, forever and ever amen.
I'm going to level with you, Awesome. I don't think it's possible to make the whole WORLD posi as such, because not everyone is wired for that kind of thinking. HOWEVER, this does not make the goal any less admirable or worth pursuit.
There's an old saying my father uses whenever discussing any sort of major undertaking. "How do you eat an elephant?" The response is, of course, "one bite at a time." It's kind of a corny saying, but there's wisdom there. I could have used any number of quotes, proverbs or aphorisms there, but I chose that one because as a child, I was always amused by the visual of my father chasing an elephant in order to steal surreptitious bites from its ankles and trunk.
Hey, fuck you, it makes me laugh, and that's what counts.
Anyway. So. Posi, right? How to. The idea would be, focus on yourself. Take a long hard look at your own life, and try to determine just where you can enhance your character, enrich your enjoyment of life; to actually be a positive person. When one stands forth as a representative or adherent of a particular creed, philosophy, or value system, one stands under a microscope. You can't just say something-- you have to do it; to adhere truly, one must become.
By being a more positive person, and treating your internal development as such as a constant work in progress, you are assured a strong likelihood of self-improvement. You're throwing kindling on a little fire to make it burn more brightly. As that light grows, you're going to gather people who want to warm their respective (and metaphorical) tootsies at your fire. Better still if you're surrounding yourself with positive people. The wonder of modern social networking is that it is quite easy to diversify your circle, exchange ideas and influences. Your attitude might intrigue others, but your actions and words will really allow you to spread that fire.
It's simple enough to make small changes in your own world, and to share your compassion and enthusiasm with the friends and acquaintances and even strangers who share your little corner of the world. Maybe you can't make the whole WORLD "posi" but you can damned sure make a difference. It's your house-- decorate it how you want, you know?
You don't need New Year's Resolutions to make changes-- but it's as good an impetus as any. Dr. Sunday has certainly made some resolutions, but that's my watch. Eyes on your own paper!
I hope this helps you. Best of luck!
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, October 26, 2009
Hate, the Internet, Brokencyde and Michael Jackson.
Hi, I was just wondering why everyone makes such a deal about the band 'Brokencyde'? I, personally, love the band. And, of course, I know that many people don't. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but I just don't understand why everyone ridicule and degrade them so badly. I just find it cruel. They don't rape, kill or anything.. they just produce music for our entertainment. Why can't these people just back off? It's downright disrespectful.. and frankly over the top. Haters threatening to boycott the band if they play at the warp tour? Death threats? The insults are just horrendous. Everyone's different. Some like screamo, some like pop, classical, rock, etc. Some people think music is useless and a waste of time. So stating your opinion (i.e. Brokencyde sucks, they have no talent) and passing it off as FACT is just stupidity. What's with all the hate? Isn't hate the reason for suicide, depression, war, etc? Isn't it the reason for Michael Jackson's death? I know for sure that hate is the reason for my depression and my sister's death.
I'd like to hear what you have to say to all this. --S.L.
Dear S.L.,
Thanks for giving me some room to work with on this one. If it was just another question about that band, I wouldn't have even bothered to answer it, but you were good enough to have more than just that to say, so thank you for it.
Should I assume that you read my previous entry regarding Brokencyde? To summarize, I was asked why a man in his early thirties might enjoy their music, and further, what my thoughts on the band were. Needless to say, I'm not a fan, and while I did withhold from unloading hate from both barrels, so to speak, I posited that part of the band's appeal to their audience is the polarizing power of hate-- that the band shrewdly exploits this in order to better market their music, by making themselves targets of the uncensored hate all over the internet here.
It's great (for you) that you love them, but there are plenty of folks out there who just find the music terrible, or the fashion sense deplorable, etc, considering it mere fodder for the lowest common denominator, whatever. But I think your question has more to do with hate than it does Brokencyde, am I right?
Here's the thing about hate and the internet: the internet gives everyone a voice, regardless of message, spelling/grammar skills, presumptive social values, or purpose. Have you ever read the comments section on any youtube page? ESPECIALLY the popular ones. Pick one. Any. For every "oh dude that's awesome" or "OMG i <3 ____'s (music/face/body/whatever) so much!!!!!111!!!," there are plenty of barely articulate rants and gibes, as rife with spite as spelling errors, and all about as necessary as a condom in a convent. It's everywhere. Visit your favorite websites, especially ones where the content has a comments section-- same rules apply. Maybe it's moderated, maybe it isn't-- but if it's not, you can bet your ass it's full of serious garbage.
And why is that? Why do people find the need to vent like that? It's easy-- because people CAN vent like that. Any public forum, unmoderated, if visited enough, will ultimately degrade to the worst of things, because the anonymity of the internet makes it easy. Some people do it because it's funny-- and you know what? Sometimes, it is funny-- especially if it's well-crafted. There are entire websites out there dedicated solely to cutting down things that the authors of the sites despise. Personally, I can get behind that, because I believe speech SHOULD be free and uncensored. I'm willing to put up with the bullshit to be able to say whatever I want to say. Yes, it does sometimes get out of hand, and yes, that's a shame, but these are the risks we as a society have decided to accept in favor of being able to say and think whatever we want.
I could sit here right now and tell you why I think the band Coldplay is God's way of punishing us for NOT executing the members of U2 (for the crime of continuing to put out increasingly terrible records after blowing their collective wad on their artistic zenith in "Achtung Baby"), and I could think of all sorts of clever metaphors. I could use the phrase "languish forever, consigned to the horse-phallus forced-sodomy ring of hell." I might think that was funny, and you know what? I probably have some friends and readers who would laugh, as well. Does that make me right, or just an opinionated asshole? Does it matter? I'm making use of my freedom to speak as I will.
But obviously, there's more to it than that. And there's a difference between internet hate and legitimate, real-life hate. The difference is, people aren't killing people because someone calls your favorite band a bunch of diarrhea-flavored eunuchs. You could write a blog criticizing Brokencyde, for example, and not a single member of that band is going to dive into the Grand Canyon. I'll concur with you far enough to say that "hate" gets out of hand on the internet, but there's personal hate, and then there's spitting for spit's sake.
Hate, internet or otherwise, didn't kill Michael Jackson-- pills killed Michael Jackson. A hard life killed Michael Jackson, and a few decades of bad choices. Personally, for the record, I think he did some fucked-up shit, made a mess of his life, and is probably better off now, but it wasn't bloggers, comment-section ninjas, or internet trolls that killed him. Personal responsibility, you know?
Now, I won't say that NO ONE has ever been killed or driven to suicide by harassment on the internet or even in real life. I won't say that no one has ever cried from some hurtful words, virtual or spoken. I'd go far enough as to say that there are plenty of people who suffer from depression, and getting picked on or hated on, regardless of venue, is a serious problem. I won't offer to excuse the behavior of bullies and assholes-- even when I've been a bully or an asshole. What I will, and emphatically, here, state, is that people suck. Always have, always will. You can't change that, and you can't stop it. Let me tell you, I've tried. It doesn't work, at least not until my Empathy Bomb (patent pending) goes off and teaches the world the real price of every action.
So what can you do? The same thing anyone can. If you can't change the world, you have to be strong enough in yourself to stand against it. Keep things in perspective. You're articulate enough to ask an intelligent question, so I'm sure you're smart enough to realize that there's nothing anyone can SAY to you that, as mere words, will actually alter the fundamental nature of who you are-- unless you choose to let it affect you. Your skin is as thick as you choose. Someone could make fun of you for liking Brokencyde, or the Twilight books, dogs over cats, or McDonald's cheeseburgers or Jesus or the color orange-- but does that make you any less than who you are? People say shit to me ALL THE TIME, because I have a tendency to make myself a target by being free with my opinions. I don't mind admitting that I hate things you may like, or like things you may hate-- but I don't care what your opinion is about it. If you like something I do, or something about me? Awesome. That's cool. It won't make me be your friend, though-- you have to earn that by less superficial means. By the same token, do you hate MY favorite bands? The music I write? This blog? The color of my hair, my cat, my blue eyes, my ethnic heritage, or how clean I keep my toilet? I don't care. Hell, you can hate me PERSONALLY, and it doesn't really affect me because I choose not to let it do so. That's your watch, not mine. If you live your life based on what other people think or believe, you're going to be sad. There's enough sadness and strife in one life that there's hardly any reason to start adding to the pile, you know?
I don't know what factors in your life are tearing you down or making you depressed, but I'm willing to bet that you have the power, inside you already, to be better and stronger than that, or to get whatever help you need to take charge of your life. Seriously.
I don't know if this was the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helps, one way or another. Take care of yourself.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
I'd like to hear what you have to say to all this. --S.L.
Dear S.L.,
Thanks for giving me some room to work with on this one. If it was just another question about that band, I wouldn't have even bothered to answer it, but you were good enough to have more than just that to say, so thank you for it.
Should I assume that you read my previous entry regarding Brokencyde? To summarize, I was asked why a man in his early thirties might enjoy their music, and further, what my thoughts on the band were. Needless to say, I'm not a fan, and while I did withhold from unloading hate from both barrels, so to speak, I posited that part of the band's appeal to their audience is the polarizing power of hate-- that the band shrewdly exploits this in order to better market their music, by making themselves targets of the uncensored hate all over the internet here.
It's great (for you) that you love them, but there are plenty of folks out there who just find the music terrible, or the fashion sense deplorable, etc, considering it mere fodder for the lowest common denominator, whatever. But I think your question has more to do with hate than it does Brokencyde, am I right?
Here's the thing about hate and the internet: the internet gives everyone a voice, regardless of message, spelling/grammar skills, presumptive social values, or purpose. Have you ever read the comments section on any youtube page? ESPECIALLY the popular ones. Pick one. Any. For every "oh dude that's awesome" or "OMG i <3 ____'s (music/face/body/whatever) so much!!!!!111!!!," there are plenty of barely articulate rants and gibes, as rife with spite as spelling errors, and all about as necessary as a condom in a convent. It's everywhere. Visit your favorite websites, especially ones where the content has a comments section-- same rules apply. Maybe it's moderated, maybe it isn't-- but if it's not, you can bet your ass it's full of serious garbage.
And why is that? Why do people find the need to vent like that? It's easy-- because people CAN vent like that. Any public forum, unmoderated, if visited enough, will ultimately degrade to the worst of things, because the anonymity of the internet makes it easy. Some people do it because it's funny-- and you know what? Sometimes, it is funny-- especially if it's well-crafted. There are entire websites out there dedicated solely to cutting down things that the authors of the sites despise. Personally, I can get behind that, because I believe speech SHOULD be free and uncensored. I'm willing to put up with the bullshit to be able to say whatever I want to say. Yes, it does sometimes get out of hand, and yes, that's a shame, but these are the risks we as a society have decided to accept in favor of being able to say and think whatever we want.
I could sit here right now and tell you why I think the band Coldplay is God's way of punishing us for NOT executing the members of U2 (for the crime of continuing to put out increasingly terrible records after blowing their collective wad on their artistic zenith in "Achtung Baby"), and I could think of all sorts of clever metaphors. I could use the phrase "languish forever, consigned to the horse-phallus forced-sodomy ring of hell." I might think that was funny, and you know what? I probably have some friends and readers who would laugh, as well. Does that make me right, or just an opinionated asshole? Does it matter? I'm making use of my freedom to speak as I will.
But obviously, there's more to it than that. And there's a difference between internet hate and legitimate, real-life hate. The difference is, people aren't killing people because someone calls your favorite band a bunch of diarrhea-flavored eunuchs. You could write a blog criticizing Brokencyde, for example, and not a single member of that band is going to dive into the Grand Canyon. I'll concur with you far enough to say that "hate" gets out of hand on the internet, but there's personal hate, and then there's spitting for spit's sake.
Hate, internet or otherwise, didn't kill Michael Jackson-- pills killed Michael Jackson. A hard life killed Michael Jackson, and a few decades of bad choices. Personally, for the record, I think he did some fucked-up shit, made a mess of his life, and is probably better off now, but it wasn't bloggers, comment-section ninjas, or internet trolls that killed him. Personal responsibility, you know?
Now, I won't say that NO ONE has ever been killed or driven to suicide by harassment on the internet or even in real life. I won't say that no one has ever cried from some hurtful words, virtual or spoken. I'd go far enough as to say that there are plenty of people who suffer from depression, and getting picked on or hated on, regardless of venue, is a serious problem. I won't offer to excuse the behavior of bullies and assholes-- even when I've been a bully or an asshole. What I will, and emphatically, here, state, is that people suck. Always have, always will. You can't change that, and you can't stop it. Let me tell you, I've tried. It doesn't work, at least not until my Empathy Bomb (patent pending) goes off and teaches the world the real price of every action.
So what can you do? The same thing anyone can. If you can't change the world, you have to be strong enough in yourself to stand against it. Keep things in perspective. You're articulate enough to ask an intelligent question, so I'm sure you're smart enough to realize that there's nothing anyone can SAY to you that, as mere words, will actually alter the fundamental nature of who you are-- unless you choose to let it affect you. Your skin is as thick as you choose. Someone could make fun of you for liking Brokencyde, or the Twilight books, dogs over cats, or McDonald's cheeseburgers or Jesus or the color orange-- but does that make you any less than who you are? People say shit to me ALL THE TIME, because I have a tendency to make myself a target by being free with my opinions. I don't mind admitting that I hate things you may like, or like things you may hate-- but I don't care what your opinion is about it. If you like something I do, or something about me? Awesome. That's cool. It won't make me be your friend, though-- you have to earn that by less superficial means. By the same token, do you hate MY favorite bands? The music I write? This blog? The color of my hair, my cat, my blue eyes, my ethnic heritage, or how clean I keep my toilet? I don't care. Hell, you can hate me PERSONALLY, and it doesn't really affect me because I choose not to let it do so. That's your watch, not mine. If you live your life based on what other people think or believe, you're going to be sad. There's enough sadness and strife in one life that there's hardly any reason to start adding to the pile, you know?
I don't know what factors in your life are tearing you down or making you depressed, but I'm willing to bet that you have the power, inside you already, to be better and stronger than that, or to get whatever help you need to take charge of your life. Seriously.
I don't know if this was the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helps, one way or another. Take care of yourself.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
Labels:
advice,
art,
BC13,
brokencyde,
education,
entertainment,
life,
personal,
practical
1 comments
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Culinary Conundrum, or What Will I Be When I Grow Up?
Dear Dr. Sunday,
There are certain times of the year when I'm very satisfied with and challenged by my career--times when I'd go so far as to say I get that peace-filled and remarkable feeling that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, when I'm supposed to be doing it. This, I believe, makes me very lucky, and I truly appreciate my employment. There was a time when I was sure I had my dream job.
But:
There are also certain times when my mind is overwhelmingly distracted from my work, and it's mostly to think about cooking. It's considering recipes, researching techniques, planning menus and reasons to entertain, constructing shopping lists in my mind, wishing I had more money so I could cook more things.
I love food, but I love cooking so much more. It's challenging and frustrating and satisfying to a degree I've only experienced elsewhere in personal romantic relationships.
So I wonder: am I in the wrong profession? Should I be cooking? Should I go to culinary school and have the chance to cook so much more than I do now? Or am I too old (almost 27, sheesh) already to consider such a thing? And do I not have enough natural talent? I'm really not that confident in my cooking, even though I manage to do a lot of it. I'm never quite happy with what I make, but the experience is always satisfying.
I guess I'm worried that: a) I'm pressing my luck--I already have a kickass job, b) I'm too old, and c) I'd end up being even worse than the trainwrecks that are eliminated in the first few weeks of every season of Top Chef. Plus I have a real and true and highly irrational fear of cracking eggs (terrified of the possibility of a partially developed chick inside).
I'm feeling delusional, but also kind of excited. Am I crazy?
Curious,
not-a-chef
Dear Not-A-Chef,
Finding one's true calling in life isn't always easy. There are people I've known personally from childhood, schoolmates, family friends, who always seemed to know where they would be going-- and simply fell into line, lived the life, and are thriving or at the very least comfortably surviving in their own little niches, never really having had to question their routes. In some of my more somber hours, I envy them the simplicity of their lives, the ease with which they appear to travel the paths of life, and wonder if they've ever spent the anguished and exhausting sleepless nights that some of us (like myself) still endure to this day.
And just as your story relates, I know people who work jobs that are very fulfilling, yet want for more, or perhaps simply wonder what else there could be. On a personal note, there is a man I know, a close blood relative of mine, who works a very honorable job which he loves-- yet he too, dreams of other things, at times, knowing that he possesses a passion (and honestly, even with my personal connection to him, I can state OBJECTIVELY, a true talent as well) for something else. Still the passion he desires to pursue is a bit less practical and immediate, for the needs of his life and his family, so he devotes himself to that which he must do to provide, while occasionally dabbling or even diving into the passion which haunts the quiet places of his soul.
Even for myself, I can state that I've walked this line. I'll go ahead and admit for the readers, as I have to my close friends, that I dropped out of college, walking out on a rather substantial scholarship to a very reputable institution, for the sake of pursuing careers in music and writing. I've spent my years since high school alternately supporting myself, sometimes in part, and sometimes in full, with my passions-- writing, recording and performing music, or various aspects of free-lance writing, not to mention the occasional art commission/sale, audio production, or event promotional role. While this is lovely, I also know that as an independent artist, I don't get health care or a 401K, and I'm lucky to have a savings account or even a place to rest my brilliant and beautiful head, so I've also made damned sure that, as needed, I've kept day jobs.
I promise this personal, expository narrative will soon become quite relevant to your circumstances, and I appreciate your patience, which you will find rewarded in a matter of a few brief paragraphs.
In the early days of leaving college, and the years that followed, I was a teen, or a lad in his early 20's, arrogant enough to believe that no harm would ever come that would require, say, the need to visit a hospital. Thanks to my upbringing (very folksy and rural, coming from a long line of bold and stoic people very close to the earth, with a liberal helping of German stamina, Irish courage, and Native American wisdom), I've been able to heal myself and keep myself well-preserved, despite years of very hard living. However, periodically, I've sustained injuries beyond my own abilities, such as when I broke my knee a couple of years ago (onstage, while playing a guitar solo--I'll spare you the details here), which once more revealed to me the benefit of having a very good "day job" which paid my bills and provided me with the high-level health care that allows me to walk, run, climb trees, fuck, fight, and maintain my yoga regimen to this very day. Even now, I work two jobs (one in finance, one in public relations) while continuing to make music (beautifully, I might add) and pursue all of my other ambitions (some more serious than others), which often actually make me some money-- a nice thing, to be sure, but more importantly, satisfies my desire for adventure, passion, and magic.
When I was recovering from the aforementioned knee injury, my father drove me to and from the surgery that was required. In an opiate haze, I recall resting on my bed in my apartment, while my Dad ran to McDonald's to get a fish sandwich for himself (it was a Friday during Lent, and he's Catholic enough to be like, forty-third in line for the next Pope). Dad came back, and asked again exactly what had transpired, and I told him. We had a discussion very similar to that which I have already mentioned to you, and he said it was good that I was wise enough to keep my day job while pursuing my passion. I agreed with him, and he told me this: "Sometimes, there is value in taking risks-- living life without a net. But if you can have what you want WHILE MAKING SURE that the basic needs of your life are cared for, you'd be a fool not to do so. Everyone wants to have a cake and eat it too-- that's the best of all possible worlds, son." Now, while he did tell me afterwards to cut my hair, stop wearing makeup, and to start eating meat again, since the vegetarian thing is probably why I got hurt, since I was already halfway to being a girl and when the fuck was I going to snap out of that hippie bullshit already, seriously, etc, I still consider him, in most respects to be perhaps the wisest person I know, and almost as smart as I am. Almost.
This is my advice for you, my dear: You should follow your dream. I do think, however, that you should do it in such a way that you do not sacrifice the life you have, at least for the moment. Sure, there's romance in the idea that you drop everything to flee to some far-off city to learn the culinary arts at the hands of venerable masters, but the truth is, you can have your cake and eat it, too-- and in the process, learn how to make the kinds of proverbial cakes that astound and astonish, that are as much a joy to prepare and devise as they are to eat and to share. Work with your schedule-- make some sacrifices for yourself and for your art. Figure out how to attend cooking school while still maintaining the job that you have. You will, then, have quite a bit of time to ascertain which life suits you best. Maybe you end up becoming a chef, and loving it-- and maybe you keep doing what you're doing, but go even further towards astounding the people who love you most by preparing meals of such amazing depth that your passions are sated, desires met, and your happiness is assured. The fact that you're willing to ask yourself this question, rather than dismissing it as some foolish dream, tells me that you're onto something worth pursuing.
I've given this question a lot of thought, and every time I look at it, I realize how totally right and very fucking smart I am. I think you're ready to take this step-- maybe you just need the impetus of hearing from someone on the outside. Follow your dreams, but save yourself the peace of mind that your "day job" will offer. You'll stay satisfied and you'll learn a lot about yourself. That's the kind of education that only life itself can provide.
I hope this has helped you. If you need further consultation, you know where to reach me.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
PS-- You're never too old to follow your dreams. Betting on yourself is NEVER pressing your luck, and reality television is about as far from reality as you can get.
And for the record, the eggs that you purchase from the store are not ever fertilized, and thus will not contain any sort of embryonic chicken babies. I can state this categorically. Unless you're buying your eggs from a man on the side of the road, or driving to a farm to get them right out from under a hen, you've nothing to worry over, I assure you.
There are certain times of the year when I'm very satisfied with and challenged by my career--times when I'd go so far as to say I get that peace-filled and remarkable feeling that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, when I'm supposed to be doing it. This, I believe, makes me very lucky, and I truly appreciate my employment. There was a time when I was sure I had my dream job.
But:
There are also certain times when my mind is overwhelmingly distracted from my work, and it's mostly to think about cooking. It's considering recipes, researching techniques, planning menus and reasons to entertain, constructing shopping lists in my mind, wishing I had more money so I could cook more things.
I love food, but I love cooking so much more. It's challenging and frustrating and satisfying to a degree I've only experienced elsewhere in personal romantic relationships.
So I wonder: am I in the wrong profession? Should I be cooking? Should I go to culinary school and have the chance to cook so much more than I do now? Or am I too old (almost 27, sheesh) already to consider such a thing? And do I not have enough natural talent? I'm really not that confident in my cooking, even though I manage to do a lot of it. I'm never quite happy with what I make, but the experience is always satisfying.
I guess I'm worried that: a) I'm pressing my luck--I already have a kickass job, b) I'm too old, and c) I'd end up being even worse than the trainwrecks that are eliminated in the first few weeks of every season of Top Chef. Plus I have a real and true and highly irrational fear of cracking eggs (terrified of the possibility of a partially developed chick inside).
I'm feeling delusional, but also kind of excited. Am I crazy?
Curious,
not-a-chef
Dear Not-A-Chef,
Finding one's true calling in life isn't always easy. There are people I've known personally from childhood, schoolmates, family friends, who always seemed to know where they would be going-- and simply fell into line, lived the life, and are thriving or at the very least comfortably surviving in their own little niches, never really having had to question their routes. In some of my more somber hours, I envy them the simplicity of their lives, the ease with which they appear to travel the paths of life, and wonder if they've ever spent the anguished and exhausting sleepless nights that some of us (like myself) still endure to this day.
And just as your story relates, I know people who work jobs that are very fulfilling, yet want for more, or perhaps simply wonder what else there could be. On a personal note, there is a man I know, a close blood relative of mine, who works a very honorable job which he loves-- yet he too, dreams of other things, at times, knowing that he possesses a passion (and honestly, even with my personal connection to him, I can state OBJECTIVELY, a true talent as well) for something else. Still the passion he desires to pursue is a bit less practical and immediate, for the needs of his life and his family, so he devotes himself to that which he must do to provide, while occasionally dabbling or even diving into the passion which haunts the quiet places of his soul.
Even for myself, I can state that I've walked this line. I'll go ahead and admit for the readers, as I have to my close friends, that I dropped out of college, walking out on a rather substantial scholarship to a very reputable institution, for the sake of pursuing careers in music and writing. I've spent my years since high school alternately supporting myself, sometimes in part, and sometimes in full, with my passions-- writing, recording and performing music, or various aspects of free-lance writing, not to mention the occasional art commission/sale, audio production, or event promotional role. While this is lovely, I also know that as an independent artist, I don't get health care or a 401K, and I'm lucky to have a savings account or even a place to rest my brilliant and beautiful head, so I've also made damned sure that, as needed, I've kept day jobs.
I promise this personal, expository narrative will soon become quite relevant to your circumstances, and I appreciate your patience, which you will find rewarded in a matter of a few brief paragraphs.
In the early days of leaving college, and the years that followed, I was a teen, or a lad in his early 20's, arrogant enough to believe that no harm would ever come that would require, say, the need to visit a hospital. Thanks to my upbringing (very folksy and rural, coming from a long line of bold and stoic people very close to the earth, with a liberal helping of German stamina, Irish courage, and Native American wisdom), I've been able to heal myself and keep myself well-preserved, despite years of very hard living. However, periodically, I've sustained injuries beyond my own abilities, such as when I broke my knee a couple of years ago (onstage, while playing a guitar solo--I'll spare you the details here), which once more revealed to me the benefit of having a very good "day job" which paid my bills and provided me with the high-level health care that allows me to walk, run, climb trees, fuck, fight, and maintain my yoga regimen to this very day. Even now, I work two jobs (one in finance, one in public relations) while continuing to make music (beautifully, I might add) and pursue all of my other ambitions (some more serious than others), which often actually make me some money-- a nice thing, to be sure, but more importantly, satisfies my desire for adventure, passion, and magic.
When I was recovering from the aforementioned knee injury, my father drove me to and from the surgery that was required. In an opiate haze, I recall resting on my bed in my apartment, while my Dad ran to McDonald's to get a fish sandwich for himself (it was a Friday during Lent, and he's Catholic enough to be like, forty-third in line for the next Pope). Dad came back, and asked again exactly what had transpired, and I told him. We had a discussion very similar to that which I have already mentioned to you, and he said it was good that I was wise enough to keep my day job while pursuing my passion. I agreed with him, and he told me this: "Sometimes, there is value in taking risks-- living life without a net. But if you can have what you want WHILE MAKING SURE that the basic needs of your life are cared for, you'd be a fool not to do so. Everyone wants to have a cake and eat it too-- that's the best of all possible worlds, son." Now, while he did tell me afterwards to cut my hair, stop wearing makeup, and to start eating meat again, since the vegetarian thing is probably why I got hurt, since I was already halfway to being a girl and when the fuck was I going to snap out of that hippie bullshit already, seriously, etc, I still consider him, in most respects to be perhaps the wisest person I know, and almost as smart as I am. Almost.
This is my advice for you, my dear: You should follow your dream. I do think, however, that you should do it in such a way that you do not sacrifice the life you have, at least for the moment. Sure, there's romance in the idea that you drop everything to flee to some far-off city to learn the culinary arts at the hands of venerable masters, but the truth is, you can have your cake and eat it, too-- and in the process, learn how to make the kinds of proverbial cakes that astound and astonish, that are as much a joy to prepare and devise as they are to eat and to share. Work with your schedule-- make some sacrifices for yourself and for your art. Figure out how to attend cooking school while still maintaining the job that you have. You will, then, have quite a bit of time to ascertain which life suits you best. Maybe you end up becoming a chef, and loving it-- and maybe you keep doing what you're doing, but go even further towards astounding the people who love you most by preparing meals of such amazing depth that your passions are sated, desires met, and your happiness is assured. The fact that you're willing to ask yourself this question, rather than dismissing it as some foolish dream, tells me that you're onto something worth pursuing.
I've given this question a lot of thought, and every time I look at it, I realize how totally right and very fucking smart I am. I think you're ready to take this step-- maybe you just need the impetus of hearing from someone on the outside. Follow your dreams, but save yourself the peace of mind that your "day job" will offer. You'll stay satisfied and you'll learn a lot about yourself. That's the kind of education that only life itself can provide.
I hope this has helped you. If you need further consultation, you know where to reach me.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
PS-- You're never too old to follow your dreams. Betting on yourself is NEVER pressing your luck, and reality television is about as far from reality as you can get.
And for the record, the eggs that you purchase from the store are not ever fertilized, and thus will not contain any sort of embryonic chicken babies. I can state this categorically. Unless you're buying your eggs from a man on the side of the road, or driving to a farm to get them right out from under a hen, you've nothing to worry over, I assure you.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
If this one doesn't offend you, you might be worth knowing.
To the ever witty and handsome Doctor Sunday,
Have recently been pondering life. Love, pain, existence, etc. Included in this waxing, and the one I wish to speak on, is the biggest perplexity of all..
Why is everyone a moron?
It seems that quite recently I have been surrounded by more stupidity than deemed necessary. As I have never been naive in the least, I have always had my suspicions of half the general population being sadly afflicted with being an idiot. It has just been growing in numbers more so than usual lately.
To elaborate: Why does my roommate have the time to get weeded/eat all of my food/whine about women daily, but cannot spare twenty seconds to wash a fork?
Why is an ex m.i.a. until they need an outlet to bitch or rant to, i.e., you?
Why does that drunk girl you don't know at The Tavern feel the need to let you know exactly how long she's gone without sexy time (and how horny she is) whilst spilling your beer and attempting bedroom eyes at all your friends?
And then there's even the non-personal. Why is gay marriage illegal?
Why does the creditreport.com guy continue to be allowed commercial time? I could go on for days here.
Is this just a part of human nature that I will eventually have to accept and live with? Is it because Pluto is in retrograde? Am I just unmoving, unfeeling, unkind? (bonus points for alliteration) I would surely hope not as I'm a humanist first and foremost. Please share your thoughts on my, and the world's, dilemma.
xo,
Pissed off Smarty Pants.
Dearest Pissed off Smarty Pants,
This is indeed a tough and challenging question. Why are there so many morons? Can we blame it on modern diet, or perhaps the influx of new avenues of vicarious entertainment that serve to dilute creativity, stunt motivation, and cripple intellect? Is it a sign of some pending apocalypse not predicted in any ancient text or entheogen-addled shaman dreams? Does the Matrix need more RAM or to switch to Linux? All valid questions.
We could point the finger in many directions. While I'm only half-joking when I say that the "information age" serves to leave people more "educated" while growing less intelligent, the truth is, people really do pay too much attention to things that aren't worth it. Take the continued existence of American Idol. Anyone with even just a single pair of neurons that spark even periodically should find that sort of thing to be a slap in the face; particularly anyone who values art enough to NOT wish it to be so BLATANTLY commoditized. Now, I could sit here and insult even some of my close friends by calling them stupid for watching it, but I'd rather not, because some of them are people I see often enough to make social exchanges awkward were I to make that choice.
So looking at the results, we wonder: is there a causal relationship between the modern media and stupidity? Do we support moronic things because we're stupid, or does our stupidity result in a market for stupid things? It's a vicious cycle.
The point is, and I'll be shockingly Nietzschean for a moment, by saying that morons are out there to make the non-morons shine. Think about it. Evolution has created a number of wonders and traits (seriously, click that link; it's awesome, right?), all while leaving others far, far behind. The favorable features provide mating advantages, and social evolution often adopts innovation. Now, the scary thing here, is that natural selection appears to be leading us in the wrong direction, as the proliferation of idiocy is reaching a more critical stage, when the opposite SHOULD be true. We're getting educations, we're travelling more widely, we've got access to so many things beyond the dreams of previous generations-- so why is it that we're consistently producing underachieving, uninspired hacks who consume foolishly, travel seemingly only to prove that a fool in Chicago is a fool in Paris, and allow atrocities such as this to be inflicted upon the general public.
Why? Isn't it obvious? Clearly, we've reached a plateau, and in some metaphysical sense, evolution/God/the Universe is saying "ok, seriously? all this time and the best you can do is this?" This is why we have so many legends, myths, and tales of a Great Deluge. It's an archetype that plugs directly into the forward-thinking psyche of Human Development. We know that the day will come, when rather than "wickedness," "ungodliness" and "immorality," we are damned by "stupidity," "douchebags," and "80's retro."
It's all our own fault, though. In the last few decades, more so than ever, and worse still today, we're raising a society of people who are born and raised without ever having to actually try; people who are fed entitlement and inflated senses of self-worth, who are coddled through situations where character should have been built. LET THE CHILDREN FAIL. IT IS THE ONLY WAY THAT THEY WILL EVER REALLY LEARN. YOUR ILLITERATE, BELLIGERENT, LOUD-MOUTHED BEDWETTER IS NOT SPECIAL-- THAT HAS TO BE EARNED.
Would that I knew the proper spell to incant, to make this all go away-- give our pesky species the chance to install upgrades and restart. Sadly, such is not the case, so these are facts and facets with which you and I must continue to cope. And as logic will dictate, when the facts of a situation are immutable, one must address reality by altering perception and/or altering reaction. For example, to address your sub-questions: your roomie puffs, dines, and whines so much because if he shut up, he'd have to find something else to do, and washing up seems distasteful: in other words, stupid, lazy, and it sucks--keep your food where it cannot be taken, roll your eyes at the whining, and wash only your own dishes. And ex's who only come around when they want something are selfish and stupid enough to believe that you don't have anything better to do than make yourself available to them--be stronger than that, and you can always hang up the phone, hit the "invisible" button in chat, or be clever with excuses. Remember, lying to a moron doesn't count as dishonesty-- so go for it, with my blessing.
The drunk bar slut behaves thus because she is slave to her appetites and impulses, thereby little to differ from the animals at the zoo. I'd recommend throwing peanuts at her and taking her picture until she either starts flinging feces or hides behind a tree. It's 2009, drunk bar slut-- getting laid is easy, and you don't have to play games or reek of desperation while embarassing yourself and everyone who knows you. Put on some underwear and close your fucking mouth-- if you weren't so pathetic, maybe you wouldn't HAVE to whine about "how long it's been."
Gay marriage is illegal because there are too many ignorant idiots holding onto outmoded morality, who want to hold onto their places in the rising divorce rates. Don't worry, we'll have gay marriage before we have legal pot--and both of those are coming down the line, doubt it not.
And the creditreportdotcom guy is still on the air because we are being punished for all of our sins, and for allowing the continued existence of Coldplay.
As for the last part of your message, do not blame yourself-- you are certainly not "unmoving, unfeeling, unkind." You're merely aware and quite realistic, and if the weight of the world makes you a little bit bitter sometimes, it is to be understood. You can be a humanist and still find your heart a bit sour on the thought of your fellow humans, sometimes.
My advice to you is simple. Do what I do: surround yourself with intelligent, charming and attractive people; chances are, you already know some-- seek their company. You can meet new people through those you know already, and that's fantastic, because you can pick and choose. Invite yourself out, invite others in. Participate in activities geared towards your interests, and make friends-- take a class, get up and go out, be creative and use good judgement. Be choosy with those you allow to become close to you. Initiate creative correspondences-- collaborate. Be smart and never, ever, EVER settle for anything less than what will really keep you happy and stimulated. Ignore what you can of the unwashed masses, and learn to laugh at what you can't ignore-- the more you learn to laugh, the easier it is to keep that shadow right out of your heart, and moreso, there is POWER in mockery. Keep your wits sharp and don't drag yourself down unnecessarily. A nice sense of superiority helps, too, but you'll get that anyway.
Your recognition of the problem tells me that you're going to be JUST fine. I hope this has helped you, and if you need anything else, you know where to find me.
Always listening,
Dr. Sunday
Have recently been pondering life. Love, pain, existence, etc. Included in this waxing, and the one I wish to speak on, is the biggest perplexity of all..
Why is everyone a moron?
It seems that quite recently I have been surrounded by more stupidity than deemed necessary. As I have never been naive in the least, I have always had my suspicions of half the general population being sadly afflicted with being an idiot. It has just been growing in numbers more so than usual lately.
To elaborate: Why does my roommate have the time to get weeded/eat all of my food/whine about women daily, but cannot spare twenty seconds to wash a fork?
Why is an ex m.i.a. until they need an outlet to bitch or rant to, i.e., you?
Why does that drunk girl you don't know at The Tavern feel the need to let you know exactly how long she's gone without sexy time (and how horny she is) whilst spilling your beer and attempting bedroom eyes at all your friends?
And then there's even the non-personal. Why is gay marriage illegal?
Why does the creditreport.com guy continue to be allowed commercial time? I could go on for days here.
Is this just a part of human nature that I will eventually have to accept and live with? Is it because Pluto is in retrograde? Am I just unmoving, unfeeling, unkind? (bonus points for alliteration) I would surely hope not as I'm a humanist first and foremost. Please share your thoughts on my, and the world's, dilemma.
xo,
Pissed off Smarty Pants.
Dearest Pissed off Smarty Pants,
This is indeed a tough and challenging question. Why are there so many morons? Can we blame it on modern diet, or perhaps the influx of new avenues of vicarious entertainment that serve to dilute creativity, stunt motivation, and cripple intellect? Is it a sign of some pending apocalypse not predicted in any ancient text or entheogen-addled shaman dreams? Does the Matrix need more RAM or to switch to Linux? All valid questions.
We could point the finger in many directions. While I'm only half-joking when I say that the "information age" serves to leave people more "educated" while growing less intelligent, the truth is, people really do pay too much attention to things that aren't worth it. Take the continued existence of American Idol. Anyone with even just a single pair of neurons that spark even periodically should find that sort of thing to be a slap in the face; particularly anyone who values art enough to NOT wish it to be so BLATANTLY commoditized. Now, I could sit here and insult even some of my close friends by calling them stupid for watching it, but I'd rather not, because some of them are people I see often enough to make social exchanges awkward were I to make that choice.
So looking at the results, we wonder: is there a causal relationship between the modern media and stupidity? Do we support moronic things because we're stupid, or does our stupidity result in a market for stupid things? It's a vicious cycle.
The point is, and I'll be shockingly Nietzschean for a moment, by saying that morons are out there to make the non-morons shine. Think about it. Evolution has created a number of wonders and traits (seriously, click that link; it's awesome, right?), all while leaving others far, far behind. The favorable features provide mating advantages, and social evolution often adopts innovation. Now, the scary thing here, is that natural selection appears to be leading us in the wrong direction, as the proliferation of idiocy is reaching a more critical stage, when the opposite SHOULD be true. We're getting educations, we're travelling more widely, we've got access to so many things beyond the dreams of previous generations-- so why is it that we're consistently producing underachieving, uninspired hacks who consume foolishly, travel seemingly only to prove that a fool in Chicago is a fool in Paris, and allow atrocities such as this to be inflicted upon the general public.
Why? Isn't it obvious? Clearly, we've reached a plateau, and in some metaphysical sense, evolution/God/the Universe is saying "ok, seriously? all this time and the best you can do is this?" This is why we have so many legends, myths, and tales of a Great Deluge. It's an archetype that plugs directly into the forward-thinking psyche of Human Development. We know that the day will come, when rather than "wickedness," "ungodliness" and "immorality," we are damned by "stupidity," "douchebags," and "80's retro."
It's all our own fault, though. In the last few decades, more so than ever, and worse still today, we're raising a society of people who are born and raised without ever having to actually try; people who are fed entitlement and inflated senses of self-worth, who are coddled through situations where character should have been built. LET THE CHILDREN FAIL. IT IS THE ONLY WAY THAT THEY WILL EVER REALLY LEARN. YOUR ILLITERATE, BELLIGERENT, LOUD-MOUTHED BEDWETTER IS NOT SPECIAL-- THAT HAS TO BE EARNED.
Would that I knew the proper spell to incant, to make this all go away-- give our pesky species the chance to install upgrades and restart. Sadly, such is not the case, so these are facts and facets with which you and I must continue to cope. And as logic will dictate, when the facts of a situation are immutable, one must address reality by altering perception and/or altering reaction. For example, to address your sub-questions: your roomie puffs, dines, and whines so much because if he shut up, he'd have to find something else to do, and washing up seems distasteful: in other words, stupid, lazy, and it sucks--keep your food where it cannot be taken, roll your eyes at the whining, and wash only your own dishes. And ex's who only come around when they want something are selfish and stupid enough to believe that you don't have anything better to do than make yourself available to them--be stronger than that, and you can always hang up the phone, hit the "invisible" button in chat, or be clever with excuses. Remember, lying to a moron doesn't count as dishonesty-- so go for it, with my blessing.
The drunk bar slut behaves thus because she is slave to her appetites and impulses, thereby little to differ from the animals at the zoo. I'd recommend throwing peanuts at her and taking her picture until she either starts flinging feces or hides behind a tree. It's 2009, drunk bar slut-- getting laid is easy, and you don't have to play games or reek of desperation while embarassing yourself and everyone who knows you. Put on some underwear and close your fucking mouth-- if you weren't so pathetic, maybe you wouldn't HAVE to whine about "how long it's been."
Gay marriage is illegal because there are too many ignorant idiots holding onto outmoded morality, who want to hold onto their places in the rising divorce rates. Don't worry, we'll have gay marriage before we have legal pot--and both of those are coming down the line, doubt it not.
And the creditreportdotcom guy is still on the air because we are being punished for all of our sins, and for allowing the continued existence of Coldplay.
As for the last part of your message, do not blame yourself-- you are certainly not "unmoving, unfeeling, unkind." You're merely aware and quite realistic, and if the weight of the world makes you a little bit bitter sometimes, it is to be understood. You can be a humanist and still find your heart a bit sour on the thought of your fellow humans, sometimes.
My advice to you is simple. Do what I do: surround yourself with intelligent, charming and attractive people; chances are, you already know some-- seek their company. You can meet new people through those you know already, and that's fantastic, because you can pick and choose. Invite yourself out, invite others in. Participate in activities geared towards your interests, and make friends-- take a class, get up and go out, be creative and use good judgement. Be choosy with those you allow to become close to you. Initiate creative correspondences-- collaborate. Be smart and never, ever, EVER settle for anything less than what will really keep you happy and stimulated. Ignore what you can of the unwashed masses, and learn to laugh at what you can't ignore-- the more you learn to laugh, the easier it is to keep that shadow right out of your heart, and moreso, there is POWER in mockery. Keep your wits sharp and don't drag yourself down unnecessarily. A nice sense of superiority helps, too, but you'll get that anyway.
Your recognition of the problem tells me that you're going to be JUST fine. I hope this has helped you, and if you need anything else, you know where to find me.
Always listening,
Dr. Sunday
Friday, August 28, 2009
How to make your eye stop twitching.
Dear Dr. Sunday...
My eye is twitching. Specifically my right eye. And even more specifically the lower lid of my right eye...just about in the center of it. This has been going on for MONTHS....way too many months. One friend said to eat a banana. I"m turning into a monkey. Another friend suggested I am too stressed out. At this very moment my eye is twitching and if I was any less stressed out I would be Buddha. Hence I bring myself to your office to inquire as to what I can do to make this stop before I put a fork in it and call it done.
Thanks so much....
~Twitchy
Dear Twitchy,
An excellent question, and one I've had cause to answer numerous times in my life. Fortunately, I come from a family that is as steeped in folkloric wisdom as it is in traditional, practical methods.
According to some sources, twitching under your right eye means you are going to see something that you should pay attention to-- something will transpire within your peripheral vision, literally or figuratively, that if you aren't paying attention, you could miss out on totally. Of course, I've also heard, from less folksy sources, that the under eye twitching (which is called, by the way, myokymia, has not ever really been linked conclusively to any one specific cause. Like zits, it's been tied to stress, caffeine, bad diet, lack of sleep, too much sleep, lack of exercise, too much exercise, lack of sex, too much... well, you get the picture.
Translation: no one really knows WHY, we just have our best guesses based on evidence which may or may not be anything more than coincidence. "Well, it only happens when I'm awake, so maybe it's being conscious that does it? Damn, I guess I better sleep more." That sort of thing. Point is, it happens, you get it, lots of people do, and it's more common in females than it is in males, but only slightly. When it happens in both eyes at once, or starts to twitch an entire part of your face, that's when to seek legitimate medical attention.
Since it's only in one eye, it's not anything TOO much to worry about. The EASIEST way to deal with it is to try the practical approach. A warm washcloth, held over the offending eye, while you gently massage with small circles the lower eyelid should relieve the twitching. This often resolves it immediately, but not always-- in which case you just do it again, later in the day. Do this as often as needed-- don't be afraid to show that pesky eyelid who really wears the trousers in your face.
If it is intense enough to really drive you crazy, you can use the kinds of allergy eye drops available over the counter at pharmacies, preferably the kinds of drops which have an antihistamine component. This won't cure it in and of itself, but it can reduce the intensity of the muscle reaction, allowing you to make some headway.
Personally, I've ALWAYS had success with the warm washcloth method, and never had to do it for more than a day or two. If that fails, try the old fashioned method-- take the oldest penny you can find, face north with the offending eye closed, and rub southward down the face of the penny, as quickly as you can. When the penny gets warm, hold it against your eye, and whisper your desire (my eye to stop twitching) fifty times. I think you have to drink cow's milk and light a candle, too, but I might have my folk magicks mixed up here.
Hmm... Probably just go get a washcloth warm/wet, instead, yeah? I hope this helps you.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
My eye is twitching. Specifically my right eye. And even more specifically the lower lid of my right eye...just about in the center of it. This has been going on for MONTHS....way too many months. One friend said to eat a banana. I"m turning into a monkey. Another friend suggested I am too stressed out. At this very moment my eye is twitching and if I was any less stressed out I would be Buddha. Hence I bring myself to your office to inquire as to what I can do to make this stop before I put a fork in it and call it done.
Thanks so much....
~Twitchy
Dear Twitchy,
An excellent question, and one I've had cause to answer numerous times in my life. Fortunately, I come from a family that is as steeped in folkloric wisdom as it is in traditional, practical methods.
According to some sources, twitching under your right eye means you are going to see something that you should pay attention to-- something will transpire within your peripheral vision, literally or figuratively, that if you aren't paying attention, you could miss out on totally. Of course, I've also heard, from less folksy sources, that the under eye twitching (which is called, by the way, myokymia, has not ever really been linked conclusively to any one specific cause. Like zits, it's been tied to stress, caffeine, bad diet, lack of sleep, too much sleep, lack of exercise, too much exercise, lack of sex, too much... well, you get the picture.
Translation: no one really knows WHY, we just have our best guesses based on evidence which may or may not be anything more than coincidence. "Well, it only happens when I'm awake, so maybe it's being conscious that does it? Damn, I guess I better sleep more." That sort of thing. Point is, it happens, you get it, lots of people do, and it's more common in females than it is in males, but only slightly. When it happens in both eyes at once, or starts to twitch an entire part of your face, that's when to seek legitimate medical attention.
Since it's only in one eye, it's not anything TOO much to worry about. The EASIEST way to deal with it is to try the practical approach. A warm washcloth, held over the offending eye, while you gently massage with small circles the lower eyelid should relieve the twitching. This often resolves it immediately, but not always-- in which case you just do it again, later in the day. Do this as often as needed-- don't be afraid to show that pesky eyelid who really wears the trousers in your face.
If it is intense enough to really drive you crazy, you can use the kinds of allergy eye drops available over the counter at pharmacies, preferably the kinds of drops which have an antihistamine component. This won't cure it in and of itself, but it can reduce the intensity of the muscle reaction, allowing you to make some headway.
Personally, I've ALWAYS had success with the warm washcloth method, and never had to do it for more than a day or two. If that fails, try the old fashioned method-- take the oldest penny you can find, face north with the offending eye closed, and rub southward down the face of the penny, as quickly as you can. When the penny gets warm, hold it against your eye, and whisper your desire (my eye to stop twitching) fifty times. I think you have to drink cow's milk and light a candle, too, but I might have my folk magicks mixed up here.
Hmm... Probably just go get a washcloth warm/wet, instead, yeah? I hope this helps you.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
Dungeons & Dragons
Dear Dr. Sunday,
I was wondering why you play Dungeons & Dragons? I would also like to know the back story of your character (I heard his name is Bubbles). That is all.
Love,
Your local Dungeon Master
Dear Local DM,
Yes, it is indeed true that among the many pleasures and private, personal pursuits of the good Doctor, I can often be found rolling the dice with a close-knit group of my most dear and cherished friends. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Some might call such a thing a "guilty pleasure"-- but for me, if it's a pleasure, why should I feel guilty about it?
The whole point of life is enjoyment and personal growth. Well, that and other things, but that's the simplest way to explain the most basic of aspects of human nature. There's a lot to be found in this world, and among the deepest treasures in the rich galleries of life, are the gifts of the human mind and imagination. So, for the same reason that I can't seem to put down my guitar, or stay up late into the wee hours of the morning poring over pages or laptop keys, and have fingered scarred from art scalpels or pins/needles, burned by glue guns, I find my pleasures where I will-- in the realms of the mind as much as of the body.
Playing D&D with my friends is the kind of pursuit that not only makes us smile, laugh, and engage one another, but also provides that close-knit bond of family, something deeply lacking in people of our generation. These are interesting times in which we live, and we must find our own ways to reestablish that drive to family/tribal unit/village that has been taken from the modern person living in more urbanized areas. We form cliques and groups, rotating casts of characters that fade in and out united by fashion or music or love of alcohol-- and that's fine. For me, D&D is something much the same. For our little group, it is as much a pleasure pursuit as it is one more excuse for us all to come together.
Beyond that, it's a callback to the youth that our generation refuses to relinquish. We hold onto those things that keep us young and vital. Lifestyle becomes much more a motivational factor, and thus we choose the lifestyle that fits us best, accessorizing with toys and games and locations and dreams, which we wear like insignia, a complex shibboleth. We choose our faces and dialects in a way that makes sense only in the context of ourselves. This, then, D&D, is just one more way for us to pursue the elusive spectres of happiness that flit in and out of our periphery.
Plus, it's really fucking fun.
To answer the second part of your question, yes, my character's name is Bubbles.
Bubbles is a Warlord of the Tiefling race (something like the above picture), who travels with a group of adventurers who he happens to know from high school. Bubbles wasn't particularly popular in high school, because he was introverted and snide, mostly because he had a quietly cynical attitude, and believed he knew better than everyone else. Plus, a bookish type, he regularly got picked on by the "normals." In his adult years, he came more into his own, but developed a bit of a bossy attitude, which manifests itself as a sort of misguided compassion-- he tells everyone else what to do because he KNOWS he knows better, and wants to do the right thing always. Sometimes, in his minutes just before drifting off to sleep, he imagines himself in another world where he provides advice to friends and strangers, though in a much more handsome and less cynical fashion. Bubbles enjoys good food, but prefers to dine in quiet places, where the wait staff never asks "does everything taste good tonight?" while he has a mouth full of food (he abhors bad manners like that). While he may not always smile, he never hesitates to bestow kindnesses on those closest to him. He's got an amazing singing voice, too-- a rich, velvety baritone; expressive and sensual without any hint of excesses in showmanship.
And that, friends, is that. Yes, I play D&D. No, I won't apologize-- it's a great way to spend time with the people who matter most. That makes it awesome.
I hope this has helped you.
Always listening,
Dr. Sunday
I was wondering why you play Dungeons & Dragons? I would also like to know the back story of your character (I heard his name is Bubbles). That is all.
Love,
Your local Dungeon Master
Dear Local DM,
Yes, it is indeed true that among the many pleasures and private, personal pursuits of the good Doctor, I can often be found rolling the dice with a close-knit group of my most dear and cherished friends. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Some might call such a thing a "guilty pleasure"-- but for me, if it's a pleasure, why should I feel guilty about it?
The whole point of life is enjoyment and personal growth. Well, that and other things, but that's the simplest way to explain the most basic of aspects of human nature. There's a lot to be found in this world, and among the deepest treasures in the rich galleries of life, are the gifts of the human mind and imagination. So, for the same reason that I can't seem to put down my guitar, or stay up late into the wee hours of the morning poring over pages or laptop keys, and have fingered scarred from art scalpels or pins/needles, burned by glue guns, I find my pleasures where I will-- in the realms of the mind as much as of the body.
Playing D&D with my friends is the kind of pursuit that not only makes us smile, laugh, and engage one another, but also provides that close-knit bond of family, something deeply lacking in people of our generation. These are interesting times in which we live, and we must find our own ways to reestablish that drive to family/tribal unit/village that has been taken from the modern person living in more urbanized areas. We form cliques and groups, rotating casts of characters that fade in and out united by fashion or music or love of alcohol-- and that's fine. For me, D&D is something much the same. For our little group, it is as much a pleasure pursuit as it is one more excuse for us all to come together.
Beyond that, it's a callback to the youth that our generation refuses to relinquish. We hold onto those things that keep us young and vital. Lifestyle becomes much more a motivational factor, and thus we choose the lifestyle that fits us best, accessorizing with toys and games and locations and dreams, which we wear like insignia, a complex shibboleth. We choose our faces and dialects in a way that makes sense only in the context of ourselves. This, then, D&D, is just one more way for us to pursue the elusive spectres of happiness that flit in and out of our periphery.
Plus, it's really fucking fun.
To answer the second part of your question, yes, my character's name is Bubbles.
Bubbles is a Warlord of the Tiefling race (something like the above picture), who travels with a group of adventurers who he happens to know from high school. Bubbles wasn't particularly popular in high school, because he was introverted and snide, mostly because he had a quietly cynical attitude, and believed he knew better than everyone else. Plus, a bookish type, he regularly got picked on by the "normals." In his adult years, he came more into his own, but developed a bit of a bossy attitude, which manifests itself as a sort of misguided compassion-- he tells everyone else what to do because he KNOWS he knows better, and wants to do the right thing always. Sometimes, in his minutes just before drifting off to sleep, he imagines himself in another world where he provides advice to friends and strangers, though in a much more handsome and less cynical fashion. Bubbles enjoys good food, but prefers to dine in quiet places, where the wait staff never asks "does everything taste good tonight?" while he has a mouth full of food (he abhors bad manners like that). While he may not always smile, he never hesitates to bestow kindnesses on those closest to him. He's got an amazing singing voice, too-- a rich, velvety baritone; expressive and sensual without any hint of excesses in showmanship.
And that, friends, is that. Yes, I play D&D. No, I won't apologize-- it's a great way to spend time with the people who matter most. That makes it awesome.
I hope this has helped you.
Always listening,
Dr. Sunday
Friday, August 14, 2009
To love and be loved
Dr. Sunday,
I'm usually intensely private about my relationship issues, but for some reason I feel like giving this a shot.
Even just typing in your email address, tears sprang to my eyes. Maybe I'm a little exhausted and drained from the weekend, but needless to say this is something I've agonized about and dwelled upon and tried to ignore... Okay, let me try and phrase exactly what the problem is: part of me thinks I am going to be single forever. And I feel like such a fucking cliche for even saying that, but I can't deny the thought has crossed my mind multiple times. I'm starting to think I may never find the love of my life here, and may seriously just have to relocate (for a job or for adventure, not specifically to find someone) in order to have any chance at finding that counterpart.
The longest relationship I've ever had was in high school, from the beginnning of Freshman year through graduation, and that seems kind of backwards. Since then I've fallen in love a couple times with wonderful, talented, charasmatic men who turned out to be completely unstable and incapable of giving me any semblance of a "normal" or stable relationship, and whatever we did have crumbled quickly. I've had a few short-lived and barely noteworthy relationships, a couple one night stands, and probably more than a few unreciprocated crushes along the way. But I am now in my mid-twenties and I've not had a relationship last anywhere EVEN CLOSE to a year, never lived with anyone, never had a romantic date to a wedding, never had a bf on my birthday (since high school), and countless other "nevers" that pile up in my mind. I'm an independent gal with tons of amazing, incredible friends, a career I love, a roommate I adore, and a life I am so proud of... but I constantly look around me at all these happy couples (seemingly all this city is populated with) and think, "What is wrong with me?" In the interest of full disclosure, I guess I have to admit that I do have weight issues and occasionaly confidence issues, but most of the time I feel like I'm a pretty awesome person and TOTALLY worthy and ready for a relationship. It kind of kills me to admit all this because I genuinely think of myself as a person who doesn't need a man to feel whole, but at the same time I'm sensitive and I love attention and romance and I'm only human so some frequent sex wouldn't be so bad either. That was a wicked run-on sentence, no? I just want love, cuddling, sex, fun, laughter, someone to miss me when I'm gone, someone to make dinner for, someone to watch movies with, a drinking buddy, an artist, a scholar, a man's man. Is that too much to ask?! Haha. Trust me though, my standards are reasonable. I only write the long list of what I sometimes feel I'm missing out on.
I know that whatever answers or help you may provide, ultimately I just have to be patient and open to what the universe has in store for me... But seriously? When is it my turn to be in love and be loved?
- Antsy In My Pantsies
Dear Antsy,
The question of finding true love is, and has long been one of the most complex and emotional of all questions. It's difficult to answer in short, and if I had some magic elixir or crystal ball that would either grant your wish, or at the very least give some indication as to where/when your time will come, I'd not only be happy to share it, but I'd probably be able to start my own business and live happily ever after.
That being said, I agree with you completely that you're not asking for too much. You do have realistic standards and perfectly human needs/urges. Furthermore, you sound very strongly self-aware, which is key. You do know what you want, and you're not lying to yourself or rationalizing something absurd. From the way that you describe all other aspects of your life, it is very clear that you're in a place where you not only know how to ask for love, but you're capable of handling it properly-- to give and to receive.
You should be proud of yourself for that much. It's a hard place to come to, for so very many. It's important to be a strong and complete person, if you want a lasting and successful relationship. Your strength and depth will serve you very well, so no matter what the waiting and wanting may cost you in terms of patience or energy, it is VITAL that you never lose sight of these aspects of your character.
To address the occasional concerns with body image or confidence, I might note that these concerns are also very common problems, though the means by which to address them are varied. Self-esteem is tricky, just like love. We all want someone to tell us we're beautiful, that we're perfect, that we're special-- since we never really get to see ourselves through the eyes of others, we look for kind words and gestures of affection to reinforce and edify. Of course, we can't always rely on that, and further, it's important that it come from within, to be sustainable. If one person tells you everyday "you're amazing" and then later that person leaves, will you still feel "amazing?"
Since you're smart and perceptive enough to note your many excellent and awesome qualities, you must know that you have the power to overcome any issues of confidence or self-image-- it merely requires application. Sometimes it's as easy as affirmation-- a technique I was once shown was to ask one to three close friends in your life, whom you trust and admire most to make you a "top ten" list. The ten things they love most about you. This gives you a tangible affirmation, something you can carry with you, and turn to when maybe the night is just a little bit darker. Look at the items on those lists and try to see the truth behind the kindness, and remember to own your best qualities. Find it in yourself then perhaps to write your own top-ten list, and see what you get.
Beyond that, sometimes it pays to take up a regimen of self-improvement, if only to reinforce confidence. Not happy with your body? Add a simple 20-minute daily aerobics routine. Change your hair. Mix up your personal style by expanding your wardrobe. Choose to play against type, just to see what difference a simple change in your life can make. Not only do you gain whatever benefits are intrinsic to the new routines you've undertaken, but you will have completed something PERSONAL, which is huge when it comes to building and supporting confidence.
Those, of course, are the easy things, Antsy. The real question here, though, is when will your turn come? You worry that despite your active social life, solid career, and awesome friends, you're going to have a long wait to find love. While I can't guarantee that your wait will be any longer or shorter for what I suggest, here are some thoughts of mine-- merely things to consider, which I hope give you either success in your quest, or at the very least, inspiration to take the kinds of action that will.
It may sound trite, but have you ever considered altering your social schedule? Perhaps finding a class or other community/social group, united by a common interest? While you may not find yourself sitting next to the perfect man immediately, at the very least you'll be meeting new people and thereby opening up other options. Perhaps the nice guy/gal who knits or paints or does yoga beside you might just happen to know someone-- or knows someone who knows someone, or invites you to a party you might never have gone to, etc. Every person in your life is part of this strange and beautiful web of connections, and following a thread might lead you to where you need to be.
Another thought. Perhaps your friends may themselves hold an answer. While I'd hesitate to suggest asking to be fixed up, it might not hurt to spend time with friends more ancillary to your more immediate circle. If you have a friend or friends with whom you don't really spend much time, maybe find out what THEY do, where THEY go-- you're bound to find a new social outlet, and as we know, every interaction is another possibility.
While the television commercials often suggest the idea of deep successes in online matchmaking sites, I'd say you may be better off avoiding such. Consider joining online communities based on common interests, perhaps seeing if there are friends to be made there, or perhaps the kind of connection that may lead you to where you want to be.
The possibilities are wide open-- you're completely free to do as you please, and a little creative thinking will provide you plenty of thoughts and options. The important thing is, don't get discouraged. The time comes when it comes. If you're the kind of person who has faith, or believes that everything happens for a reason, then let that comfort you-- and even if you don't see the world that way, you still have the power to take the reins of your life. Yes, you do have to remain patient, and yes, remain open-- but that doesn't mean you have to sit still. You've got every bit of what you need to make this happen, and you possess the intelligence, courage, and strength of character (clearly) to weather the quiet nights until you find what you desire most.
Be strong, remain confident. I hope that my suggestions prove useful to you. There is always hope-- you just have to choose it.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
I'm usually intensely private about my relationship issues, but for some reason I feel like giving this a shot.
Even just typing in your email address, tears sprang to my eyes. Maybe I'm a little exhausted and drained from the weekend, but needless to say this is something I've agonized about and dwelled upon and tried to ignore... Okay, let me try and phrase exactly what the problem is: part of me thinks I am going to be single forever. And I feel like such a fucking cliche for even saying that, but I can't deny the thought has crossed my mind multiple times. I'm starting to think I may never find the love of my life here, and may seriously just have to relocate (for a job or for adventure, not specifically to find someone) in order to have any chance at finding that counterpart.
The longest relationship I've ever had was in high school, from the beginnning of Freshman year through graduation, and that seems kind of backwards. Since then I've fallen in love a couple times with wonderful, talented, charasmatic men who turned out to be completely unstable and incapable of giving me any semblance of a "normal" or stable relationship, and whatever we did have crumbled quickly. I've had a few short-lived and barely noteworthy relationships, a couple one night stands, and probably more than a few unreciprocated crushes along the way. But I am now in my mid-twenties and I've not had a relationship last anywhere EVEN CLOSE to a year, never lived with anyone, never had a romantic date to a wedding, never had a bf on my birthday (since high school), and countless other "nevers" that pile up in my mind. I'm an independent gal with tons of amazing, incredible friends, a career I love, a roommate I adore, and a life I am so proud of... but I constantly look around me at all these happy couples (seemingly all this city is populated with) and think, "What is wrong with me?" In the interest of full disclosure, I guess I have to admit that I do have weight issues and occasionaly confidence issues, but most of the time I feel like I'm a pretty awesome person and TOTALLY worthy and ready for a relationship. It kind of kills me to admit all this because I genuinely think of myself as a person who doesn't need a man to feel whole, but at the same time I'm sensitive and I love attention and romance and I'm only human so some frequent sex wouldn't be so bad either. That was a wicked run-on sentence, no? I just want love, cuddling, sex, fun, laughter, someone to miss me when I'm gone, someone to make dinner for, someone to watch movies with, a drinking buddy, an artist, a scholar, a man's man. Is that too much to ask?! Haha. Trust me though, my standards are reasonable. I only write the long list of what I sometimes feel I'm missing out on.
I know that whatever answers or help you may provide, ultimately I just have to be patient and open to what the universe has in store for me... But seriously? When is it my turn to be in love and be loved?
- Antsy In My Pantsies
Dear Antsy,
The question of finding true love is, and has long been one of the most complex and emotional of all questions. It's difficult to answer in short, and if I had some magic elixir or crystal ball that would either grant your wish, or at the very least give some indication as to where/when your time will come, I'd not only be happy to share it, but I'd probably be able to start my own business and live happily ever after.
That being said, I agree with you completely that you're not asking for too much. You do have realistic standards and perfectly human needs/urges. Furthermore, you sound very strongly self-aware, which is key. You do know what you want, and you're not lying to yourself or rationalizing something absurd. From the way that you describe all other aspects of your life, it is very clear that you're in a place where you not only know how to ask for love, but you're capable of handling it properly-- to give and to receive.
You should be proud of yourself for that much. It's a hard place to come to, for so very many. It's important to be a strong and complete person, if you want a lasting and successful relationship. Your strength and depth will serve you very well, so no matter what the waiting and wanting may cost you in terms of patience or energy, it is VITAL that you never lose sight of these aspects of your character.
To address the occasional concerns with body image or confidence, I might note that these concerns are also very common problems, though the means by which to address them are varied. Self-esteem is tricky, just like love. We all want someone to tell us we're beautiful, that we're perfect, that we're special-- since we never really get to see ourselves through the eyes of others, we look for kind words and gestures of affection to reinforce and edify. Of course, we can't always rely on that, and further, it's important that it come from within, to be sustainable. If one person tells you everyday "you're amazing" and then later that person leaves, will you still feel "amazing?"
Since you're smart and perceptive enough to note your many excellent and awesome qualities, you must know that you have the power to overcome any issues of confidence or self-image-- it merely requires application. Sometimes it's as easy as affirmation-- a technique I was once shown was to ask one to three close friends in your life, whom you trust and admire most to make you a "top ten" list. The ten things they love most about you. This gives you a tangible affirmation, something you can carry with you, and turn to when maybe the night is just a little bit darker. Look at the items on those lists and try to see the truth behind the kindness, and remember to own your best qualities. Find it in yourself then perhaps to write your own top-ten list, and see what you get.
Beyond that, sometimes it pays to take up a regimen of self-improvement, if only to reinforce confidence. Not happy with your body? Add a simple 20-minute daily aerobics routine. Change your hair. Mix up your personal style by expanding your wardrobe. Choose to play against type, just to see what difference a simple change in your life can make. Not only do you gain whatever benefits are intrinsic to the new routines you've undertaken, but you will have completed something PERSONAL, which is huge when it comes to building and supporting confidence.
Those, of course, are the easy things, Antsy. The real question here, though, is when will your turn come? You worry that despite your active social life, solid career, and awesome friends, you're going to have a long wait to find love. While I can't guarantee that your wait will be any longer or shorter for what I suggest, here are some thoughts of mine-- merely things to consider, which I hope give you either success in your quest, or at the very least, inspiration to take the kinds of action that will.
It may sound trite, but have you ever considered altering your social schedule? Perhaps finding a class or other community/social group, united by a common interest? While you may not find yourself sitting next to the perfect man immediately, at the very least you'll be meeting new people and thereby opening up other options. Perhaps the nice guy/gal who knits or paints or does yoga beside you might just happen to know someone-- or knows someone who knows someone, or invites you to a party you might never have gone to, etc. Every person in your life is part of this strange and beautiful web of connections, and following a thread might lead you to where you need to be.
Another thought. Perhaps your friends may themselves hold an answer. While I'd hesitate to suggest asking to be fixed up, it might not hurt to spend time with friends more ancillary to your more immediate circle. If you have a friend or friends with whom you don't really spend much time, maybe find out what THEY do, where THEY go-- you're bound to find a new social outlet, and as we know, every interaction is another possibility.
While the television commercials often suggest the idea of deep successes in online matchmaking sites, I'd say you may be better off avoiding such. Consider joining online communities based on common interests, perhaps seeing if there are friends to be made there, or perhaps the kind of connection that may lead you to where you want to be.
The possibilities are wide open-- you're completely free to do as you please, and a little creative thinking will provide you plenty of thoughts and options. The important thing is, don't get discouraged. The time comes when it comes. If you're the kind of person who has faith, or believes that everything happens for a reason, then let that comfort you-- and even if you don't see the world that way, you still have the power to take the reins of your life. Yes, you do have to remain patient, and yes, remain open-- but that doesn't mean you have to sit still. You've got every bit of what you need to make this happen, and you possess the intelligence, courage, and strength of character (clearly) to weather the quiet nights until you find what you desire most.
Be strong, remain confident. I hope that my suggestions prove useful to you. There is always hope-- you just have to choose it.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
Monday, August 10, 2009
Three doozies.
Dr. Sunday,
is it better to be good at a lot of things, or great at just one thing?
is it better to make things happen, or to let things happen?
what happens when we die?
-Inquisitive in Illinois
Dear Inquisitive,
All excellent questions, and I appreciate the multi-level challenge.
Regarding Question 1: "is it better to be good at a lot of things, great at just one thing?" That depends on your perspective, but also on how willing you are to apply yourself to life. I'm "good" at a number of things, a "jack of all trades," if you will-- but that's mostly because I rely on natural ability rather than proper training or discipline. For example-- I'm a visual artist, but I never had the patience to learn techniques beyond what I gave myself, so I'm decent and can rely on quirkiness to make people smile, but I can throw a rock at my AIM buddy list and hit the screen names of at least three people I love and know personally, who would make me look like a paraplegic infant with a crayon.
By the same token, I'm a guitarist, but I've never taken a proper lesson (on that instrument, anyway). I rely on my willingness to experiment, and I get compliments for being "innovative" at the instrument, but in many, more technical respects, I'm about as big a joke as you can tell without needing to change your briefs. Could I get better at these things? Sure. Would I be willing to try harder? Only when my passion drives me that direction.
There are a lot of people in the world who walked face-first into their magic gift/talent/etc. These are people who knew their deepest passion, and followed it. Some of them work hard to achieve, and some achieve seemingly without effort-- but it's not about what it "costs," it's about what that says. You always have to follow your heart. I'd trade at least one pinky toe, possibly both, to achieve the elegant, lyrical virtuosity on the guitar of say, Slash (of Guns N Roses fame), but at this point in my life, I don't know that I'm willing (at least not right now, when my new music has little to do with that sort of thing) to take the kinds of training that would require, assuming I can ever get these fingers of mine to move so astutely.
The point is-- and you'll forgive me, I hope, for answering your question with a question, but what do YOU think? Therein lies your answer. Do know what you'd love to do most? Is there something in your life to which you would be willing to devote yourself? Bear in mind, many disciplines are related, and one skill-set by nature/aptitude may lead you to others you had not considered. The world is wide open for the mind willing to question itself.
Question 2: Is it better to make things happen, or let things happen?
EXCELLENT question. I think it depends on the circumstance. While normally, I can say that I believe in taking the reins of your own fate, and choosing the things you desire, I can just as easily point out that statements like THAT one are an oversimplification. I could say, tonight, "I need a new job, something, anything, more money to be the rad person I know myself to be." Now, I could just wait for Fate to kiss me in my sleep, and find that someone I know has a nice new gig out there for me, or I could take steps proactively to choose the career I desire.
Still, let's use that example to go further-- what if I realized that my best bet to get the job I wanted was to go through a very specific friend, someone I don't know that well, perhaps? So I ask this person, but I don't want to ask too often or press too hard, because I don't want to alienate them. Now, I send my suggestion, a phone call, an email, what have you-- and then I wait, because it's the best thing to do. I could make a move, but I risk losing the ground I've gained, and perhaps closing the door for good. Or, I can play it cool, be a pal, and just let it happen as it happens, while hoping for the best. It's a dodgy balance.
The same rules work in romance, if you think about it, and in many other pieces of life. Sometimes, "to let things happen" IS "to make things happen." My advice here, then, is to keep your eyes open and your mind sharp-- have the motive power to act when you must, but have the maturity and wisdom to simply abide, or "let things happen," when the course requires it. Just know yourself, and know your world. You won't fail.
And to your last question: what happens when we die?
Well, according to the tea leaves I just finished reading, and the auguries provided by my cat purring while the candleflame dances in the breeze from my window, there are a few possibilities.
The tea leaves state that there is an afterlife, but it is based on your own beliefs. The universe is a blank canvas, on the other side, so as you believe, so shall you be.
[Reliable and delphic, my cat ponders...]
The cat's purring states that if a soul has a quantifiable existence, then it must endure, and while science has yet to reach the point where it can make a claim on the matter, the fact of existence serves as proof in its own right.
The candleflame says you either turn to dust, go to Heaven or Hell, or we all wind up on the Big Rock Candy Mountain, whatever that means.
Still, it was a very good question. Since I've only died like twice, I usually miss the floor show while I try to find a table near the stage. I can tell you that the drinks are good, but the shrimp is hit-or-miss.
I hope this has helped you. If you have any further questions, you know where to reach me.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
is it better to be good at a lot of things, or great at just one thing?
is it better to make things happen, or to let things happen?
what happens when we die?
-Inquisitive in Illinois
Dear Inquisitive,
All excellent questions, and I appreciate the multi-level challenge.
Regarding Question 1: "is it better to be good at a lot of things, great at just one thing?" That depends on your perspective, but also on how willing you are to apply yourself to life. I'm "good" at a number of things, a "jack of all trades," if you will-- but that's mostly because I rely on natural ability rather than proper training or discipline. For example-- I'm a visual artist, but I never had the patience to learn techniques beyond what I gave myself, so I'm decent and can rely on quirkiness to make people smile, but I can throw a rock at my AIM buddy list and hit the screen names of at least three people I love and know personally, who would make me look like a paraplegic infant with a crayon.
By the same token, I'm a guitarist, but I've never taken a proper lesson (on that instrument, anyway). I rely on my willingness to experiment, and I get compliments for being "innovative" at the instrument, but in many, more technical respects, I'm about as big a joke as you can tell without needing to change your briefs. Could I get better at these things? Sure. Would I be willing to try harder? Only when my passion drives me that direction.
There are a lot of people in the world who walked face-first into their magic gift/talent/etc. These are people who knew their deepest passion, and followed it. Some of them work hard to achieve, and some achieve seemingly without effort-- but it's not about what it "costs," it's about what that says. You always have to follow your heart. I'd trade at least one pinky toe, possibly both, to achieve the elegant, lyrical virtuosity on the guitar of say, Slash (of Guns N Roses fame), but at this point in my life, I don't know that I'm willing (at least not right now, when my new music has little to do with that sort of thing) to take the kinds of training that would require, assuming I can ever get these fingers of mine to move so astutely.
The point is-- and you'll forgive me, I hope, for answering your question with a question, but what do YOU think? Therein lies your answer. Do know what you'd love to do most? Is there something in your life to which you would be willing to devote yourself? Bear in mind, many disciplines are related, and one skill-set by nature/aptitude may lead you to others you had not considered. The world is wide open for the mind willing to question itself.
Question 2: Is it better to make things happen, or let things happen?
EXCELLENT question. I think it depends on the circumstance. While normally, I can say that I believe in taking the reins of your own fate, and choosing the things you desire, I can just as easily point out that statements like THAT one are an oversimplification. I could say, tonight, "I need a new job, something, anything, more money to be the rad person I know myself to be." Now, I could just wait for Fate to kiss me in my sleep, and find that someone I know has a nice new gig out there for me, or I could take steps proactively to choose the career I desire.
Still, let's use that example to go further-- what if I realized that my best bet to get the job I wanted was to go through a very specific friend, someone I don't know that well, perhaps? So I ask this person, but I don't want to ask too often or press too hard, because I don't want to alienate them. Now, I send my suggestion, a phone call, an email, what have you-- and then I wait, because it's the best thing to do. I could make a move, but I risk losing the ground I've gained, and perhaps closing the door for good. Or, I can play it cool, be a pal, and just let it happen as it happens, while hoping for the best. It's a dodgy balance.
The same rules work in romance, if you think about it, and in many other pieces of life. Sometimes, "to let things happen" IS "to make things happen." My advice here, then, is to keep your eyes open and your mind sharp-- have the motive power to act when you must, but have the maturity and wisdom to simply abide, or "let things happen," when the course requires it. Just know yourself, and know your world. You won't fail.
And to your last question: what happens when we die?
Well, according to the tea leaves I just finished reading, and the auguries provided by my cat purring while the candleflame dances in the breeze from my window, there are a few possibilities.
The tea leaves state that there is an afterlife, but it is based on your own beliefs. The universe is a blank canvas, on the other side, so as you believe, so shall you be.
The cat's purring states that if a soul has a quantifiable existence, then it must endure, and while science has yet to reach the point where it can make a claim on the matter, the fact of existence serves as proof in its own right.
The candleflame says you either turn to dust, go to Heaven or Hell, or we all wind up on the Big Rock Candy Mountain, whatever that means.
Still, it was a very good question. Since I've only died like twice, I usually miss the floor show while I try to find a table near the stage. I can tell you that the drinks are good, but the shrimp is hit-or-miss.
I hope this has helped you. If you have any further questions, you know where to reach me.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday
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