Woodford Reserve vs Knob Creek

Dear Dr. Sunday,

Woodford Reserve or Knob Creek? It drives me crazy every time I'm in the store and deciding between the two. I usually swing to the Knob Creek due to Woodford being a little more sweet, but I wanted your opinion.

k thx bai,
Towerz of Taylorz

P.S. I only drink these straight, so don't give me some bullshit about using mixers or anything like that.

Mr. Towerz,

I think that Knob Creek is the quintessential choice, especially for drinking straight. It has the kind of bold, manly aspect to it that fits perfectly in anything from a log cabin to a shady dive bar. You're not just buying the taste, you're buying the ambiance and the power. Or maybe you just really want to get hammered like a man.

Also, look at the bottles? Woodford Reserve looks like a bottle of perfume:


Now, look at Knob Creek:

That looks like a bottle of kick-ass barbecue sauce, or at the very least, a rather masculine aftershave.

Plus, think about the name: Woodford Reserve sounds like a golf course. Knob Creek sounds like a Civil War battlesite.

The choice is obvious, sir. I hope this has satisfied your curiosity.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday

Medication

Dr. Sunday,

Sometimes I feel completely and utterly helpless. To rely on a single pill to manage my complete existence is both frustrating and depressing. When did this happen? When did I become such a fucking basket case? Have I always been this way? Was this an inheritance of my bipolar father? Or maybe the roots were planted during one of his abusive fits, and just continued to grow over the years. Maybe it didn't start til mom left him and I was left alone to raise my little sister when I was nine years old. I guess it's possible the alcohol and drug abuse in high school could have contributed. Or maybe it wasn't until I gave birth, becoming the sole provider responsible for another little helpless human being. A human I created. And I've since created more. I suppose having the job from hell doesn't really help matters. Or the fact that I have the stress level and responsibilites of an air traffic controller.

Whatever the case, or reason, it doesn't really matter at this point. Irreversible. Damaged goods. Mind fucked.

Today I lost it. I attempted to get off the daily anxiety medication. I ran out a few days ago, and decided since my doctor was out of town, I'd go ahead and stop for good. That didn't so much work out. The entire day today I felt as though I had smoked about 8 blunts and maybe a hit of acid, except it was not the kind of high people are going for. I fucked up royally at work, as if my brain was slowly melting, neurons firing blankly, nothing connecting to where it tried to go. Slowly but surely, I was spinning out of control, until I broke. Completely helpless. I could not stop the insane emotions jerking out of me. Tears. Anger. Sadness. Absolute loss of control.

At a new low, I had to call the pharmacy and beg for more of the medication I despise.

Am I seriously a nutjob? Will I ever get off these meds? Is it true the majority of American is in a similar situation, as my doctor suggested? Am I truly helpless and out of control of my own being?

--Helpless

Dear Helpless,

It's a sad state of affairs to find oneself feeling truly and utterly lost, or to become overwhelmed by the weight of the world around you and inside of you. The past is tricky, and has a long reach, and in the modern age, we're desperate to find cures for absolutely everything.

This of course leads to medication.

Medication is a double-edged sword. First of all, your doctor was correct in stating that there is a large portion of the American public who take medication for reasons very similar to your own-- and it's great, when it works, but oftentimes, you wind up trapped in a lifecycle where you take one medicine, then get switched to another, riding out side effects by trading sleep, healthy body weight, creativity, libido, or whatever other horrors hidden in the fine print, just on the off chance that this will be something to keep the demons at bay just a little while longer.

I won't speak to the efficacy of medication, because I can only speak from my own experiences. I've had as many friends on it who have reaped benefits as I have those who've struggled with it, taken it and quit. I've lost exactly four friends to suicide, through complications related to taking medications of that nature. I've been on medication myself, and decided it wasn't for me.

I am not a doctor. The DR in front of my name is an affectation, and a dig at twats like Dr. Phil. So please don't take my advice as anything other than what it is-- the fruits of the best of my common sense, and what wisdom I can share, as gleaned from the minds of those wiser than me, from personal experience, and my compassionate heart.

Firstly, I will say that if you want to be free of the medication, and don't fancy the idea of taking pills every night, you should talk to your doctor about that. If he wants to argue the point, hear him out-- but don't let him bully you. It is your body, your mind, your soul-- you have rights. I don't know if you're also seeing a therapist, but typically the best results from medication ALWAYS involve a course of therapy. Think of therapy as stitches, where medication is a band-aid-- and you're bleeding out pretty badly. It sounds like you're carrying quite a load of baggage, and you might find benefit in making use of some of the programs available to you.

DO NOT simply quit taking the medicine. I cannot stress this enough. You can do serious harm to yourself by going cold turkey, depending on what you're taking. It's far better to wean oneself off over time, than to simply flush them down the toilet. Medicines create dependencies, of one type or another, but you can be free of that-- you just have to work smart.

My father, himself a medical professional (and probably the most practical and intelligent person I know) once told me that there was nothing stronger than the power of the will. To an extent, I believe him, but I also know, as he does too, that there are some things the mind simply cannot address of its own. I was also told (BY A DOCTOR, NO LESS), the last time I dropped medication, that starting a daily exercise routine is oftentimes enough to sort of reset the chemical balances of the human brain, and that the physical AND psychological benefits of this cannot be overstated. Consider adding a twenty-minute, very simple regimen of aerobic exercise to your life, if you don't already-- done daily, made part of your basic routine, and see if that doesn't help.

My father also told me "stop crying and use your head." I took him at his word. I'm not in a perfect situation myself, but I find that I can be quite functional by using the best piece of advice he ever gave me: "perception is reality." He told me once that the wild mood swings, crippling anxiety, and soul destroying depression were characteristic of creative types, and that if I learned rather to LIVE with them, than to try to fight them-- to accept them as a part of who I am, and utilize them as a source of strength, that I could overcome. I didn't believe a word of that, until I realized how much I'd already overcome, and how deep my resilience ran-- i mean, what "sane" soul lives as I have had to? I'm not any better or worse than anyone else-- but I've come to take the long hard road of accepting this as merely par for the course. I ride it out, and when it gets bad, I turn to those I love for comfort and/or distraction. And when it gets REALLY bad, I seek the help of professionals, but I make my wishes clear-- that no dependencies would be a nice thing. But most importantly, I listen to it, and I hear it, the little voice inside of me, and I know how and when to recognize it, so that rather than reacting to it and winding up crying into a pillow, I can mine it for strength. Art. My music, my art, my words, pictures, ideas.

If you can't kick the devil out of your living room, you're going to have to learn to live with him-- and there are always ways to make the most of every situation.

I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I hope it helps.

Be strong, and believe in yourself.
Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday

Superman, The Mighty Thor, and Green Lantern.

O Dr. Sunday,

Who would win in a fight between Superman and the Mighty Thor? I've often wondered that, and I've only been into comics for a few years. They're both extremely strong, and can fly (well Thor's flight powers apparently come from his hammer, but you know). Also, WHY isn't the Green Lantern considered to be the most powerful of all the characters since he has that power ring which could do anything he imagines??? I'm just really confused by that.

--Comics Confused

Dear Comics Confused,

The victor in a Superman vs The Mighty Thor battle would more than likely have to be the Mighty Thor. Strengthwise, I'd give something of an edge regarding raw strength to Superman, obviously, but the well and often remarked vulnerability to magic that Superman has puts him at a bit of a disadvantage when facing a thunder god whose weapon just happens to be an enchanted hammer. It'd be a rad battle, though, to be sure.

As for the Green Lantern(s), they're not omnipotent. There are always limitations to what they can do-- the rings are powered by will, and depending on when you read, have various weaknesses (the color yellow). But the spirit of your question is a good one: it's a weapon that is often underutilized, because the writers want stories to be interesting. The power rings are usually held within certain parameters, or the rules of the Green Lantern Corp, else the comic would be about two pages long.

For the record, I'd make an awesome Green Lantern.

I hope this helps you.

Always listening,
Dr. Sunday

Forgiveness

Dear Dr. Sunday,

I have recently done a great wrong against someone who means a lot to me (infidelity). Because of this wrong, I will never be able to even talk to this person again to make it up to them. Part of what I did was the result of mistakes I have made from overreaching flaws as a person; bad habits in my personality. I feel like I owe it to this person (and to my karma) to make amends but i also want to make the kinds of changes in my personality so I can be no longer such a selfish, thoughtless and cruel person anymore. What advice could you give me on these goals, and how can I make amends to someone I can never speak to again?

--Loveless in Loveland

Dear Loveless,

It is always important to learn from one's mistakes, and to give the best that one can to improving oneself. If you have wronged someone, of course it is best that you apologize, and if amends can be made, you should make them-- not just until you feel that you have satisfied your obligation, but rather until you know that the wounds you have caused have been healed as best they can.

You know that what you did was wrong. You feel guilt. Good. You should be hurting. You should look that pain in the face, and know the depths of the sins you have committed, until you know that you will be a better person, and can look back on the wrongs of the past to find yourself with the will and the impetus to change. Ask yourself what it was that you did so wrong, and what aspects of your personality led you to this. You said you were selfish and thoughtless; become someone generous. Become someone who puts others before the self. It's not hard to make little changes in your life, and these little changes become habitual, and then habits become realities. Just as simple as all of that.

Of course, you said the bridge has been burned. How can you make it up to someone who cannot or will not speak to you, let alone listen to you? There are multiple thoughts I might suggest, and they are yours to use as you see most fit. But first, ask yourself this: what do you want from the idea of making amends? A clean conscience in yourself, or to genuinely heal a wound in someone about whom you care? Are you doing this for you, or for the wronged party?

I hope it's both. You will find that while some wrongs DO put you in the kind of place you are now, where there can be no healing, no return to the way things were, that you are too late to change things. Some decisions cannot be taken back, some actions last forever. This does not, however, mean that you need to just lie down and die.

You can't "fix" this person, this wrong, this event that happened, whose inertia still carries you forward into suffering and guilt. You can assuage the guilt by choosing to become a better person, and making active improvements-- not just saying "I'll never do THAT again" or "I'm going to be generous and NOT self-centered anymore," but rather say only things that you can support. If you want these changes to be real, you have to make them stick. Random kindnesses are good. Sharing your story with someone who needs comfort is better. When given the choice to choose between yourself and someone about whom you care-- choose the latter, and throw yourself into it with passion and fervor. You'll find it makes a lot of difference. You'll find that you're much happier a person for it. You might not be able to do a kindness to this person you've harmed, but you can repay it to the universe, for a clean bill of karma.
I'd advise against trying to contact someone who has built a wall against you, if this is the case. The best gift you can give in that circumstance is respect-- don't tear open someone else's scabs just to make your own conscience feel better. Give him or her time to heal. Maybe someday you'll meet again, and maybe not. Maybe someday they'll hear about something truly charitable that you've done, some way in which you've proven that you are NOT defined by your sins, wrongs, harm and misconduct. Only you know what shape you have to take to make this right. It's not too late to improve yourself.

One last thing I will advise-- the way to make a lesson last is to not merely forget it ever happened. You will always know what you did. You will always carry that wrong. You should never feel like, even though you've paid your debt, that it doesn't matter anymore. Even if you are the only one who remembers it, keep it in your heart, as a reminder. If you burn your hand in a fire, you're going to come away with a scar-- and you'll know not to put your hand in a fire anymore. Similarly, let this be a scar in your heart, one that maybe only you can see, but a lesson learned and a tale told.

You have, as we all do, the capacity for great kindness as well as great harm. If you can make this right, do it. If you want to change who you are, don't just SAY it-- do it. Prove it. And don't ever stop proving it. You're not a generous person if you're never giving. You're not selfless person if you're always putting yourself first. make the changes, and don't give up. You'll find that the real answer to your question is in taking the time, and taking the steps your heart tells you.

I hope this has been helpful for you. Be strong-- the desire to improve is the first step towards personal improvement.

Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday

Warrior Priest

Dear Doctor Sunday,

I have run into quite a problem and I really need advice! Today, I hit level 11 with my Warrior Priest in Warhammer Online (Dark Crag server holler!) and I have NO IDEA what to spec in! I mean, I think Path of Salvation could be great so I can heal ppl more effectively, but I need some specs for damage too! And what about my Renown Advancement?!? It's all so confusing!

Keep in mind that I want to be super leet with heals AND do moderate amounts of damage, as I will usually be using a 2h weapon with high DPS (I don't think I will be using 1h weapons and carrying tomes anytime soon, unless you suggest this).

Below are the calculators for Ability Training and Renown Advancement for the Warrior Priest. They will be very helpful.

http://www.wardb.com/career.aspx?id=12
http://www.wardb.com/renown.aspx?id=12

Thanks in advance for this!

You can find me at the Altdorf club, bottle full of bub,
Mami, I got that mead if you into getting drunk.

Asenca, Warrior Priest (Dark Crag Server)

Dear Asenca,

That's a doozy. I'm a geek, but I've never played that game at all-- still, Ask Dr. Sunday is about me doing my best, no matter the request, so I'll see what I can do.

Ok, here's my initial thought, upon spending some time perusing your question and making use of the tools you supplied. And please bear in mind, I have no actual exposure to this game, though the concept of the RPG in general is very familiar to me.

Clearly, your warrior priest, with your stated goals of super leet healing would definitely want to spec in the Path of Salvation. The healing and support skills are the best, and the Divine Assault core skill seems pretty hefty as well.

Conversely, your desire to bolster your attack skills to be able to do at least a moderate amount of damage seems the best usage of your Renown advancement. For example, Blade Master and Might, just in the first tier should give you plenty of juice.

I hope this helps you, and that your campaigns are successful. Keep me posted, Asenca.

Always listening,
Dr. Sunday

Overly Sensitive/Special Night

Dear Doctah Sunday,

I think I need to work on my skin-density or something. Tengo dos issues, and I think they maybe both stem from me being way too worried about not disappointing anyone, but who knows. That's where you come in:

Uno) I have a friend who, as I get busier, is increasingly guilt-trip-inducing when I can't hang out. And if I can hang out, but not for what would be in said-friend's mind "long enough," I get an almost worse guilt trip. And it's a mean guilt trip, not a teasing one. It's abusive and hurtful at times. I think I'm a pretty good person, but these aggressive texts I get just make me recoil. What do I do? Ignore it? Confront it? Try to create more time in my day through some blend of alchemy and science fiction?

Dos) Being, as mentioned, pretty busy of late, I feel like I've let go of some of the romance with mah significant lover. He's been super supportive and awesome, and I need to make up my mind to DO something to show him how great he is. Should I: Make him a romantic dinner (even though I make dinner pretty often...so that might not seem that special)? If so, what? Buy some new lingerie? Make him a card? Something not as lame as those ideas that I'm not creative enough to think of?

Also: What color dress should I buy to wear to Dance_MF on the River (a.k.a. Waterway Ballet, Motherfucker)?

Love,
Overly-Sensitive in Downtown

Dear Overly,

I can utterly and personally relate to your circumstances as stated. I will address each issue in turn, but as there is a bit of overlap contextually, I think I can speak to the general circumstances at large in a fashion that should be helpful.

Having consorted with the powers of darkness for decades, I can assert that there are few methods for manipulation of time that are worth noting. A drug habit is usually a great way to make sure you stay awake more, effectively adding hours to the day, but often at the detriment of your health-- therefore, I recommend not making use of that particular route. The answer, really, is in simply doing your best, and attempting organization. I'm a busy person myself, drawn and quartered by more horses and forces than I care to relate; my way of maximizing my time is to enforce habits that act against my decadent nature. I plan, because I'm naturally impulsive. I use logic, because I'm a very emotional and irrational creature of dubious sanity. I create schedules and adhere to them, and treat them just as I treat my job-- this is merely the shape of my life, and within the strictures of this sonnet, I make my time as i will. You can't make more hours in the day-- but you can make the best of the hours you have.

You're clearly, as your name suggests, a sensitive person. The desire to please those in our lives who matter to us is a common one, but this desire needs to be tempered by a certain level of pragmatism, or it becomes a curse more so than a gift. You wouldn't have guests over for a proper dinner party if your dirty socks and undergarments were strewn wildly about the living room, or the kitchen was filled with dishes so encrusted with dried food and mold that they've begun to resemble artifacts from Pompeii. You'd tidy up first, take a little time to prepare. Similarly, you must approach the intersection of your professional and personal lives with that same level of pragmatic attention. Do what you have to do, and when this is done, everything else can follow.

But that's merely the general side. On the specific level, let's start with query Uno. Your friend is being highly unfair to you in not respecting the other demands upon your life. You knew that part. How to address it, though; this depends on firstly what you know of your friend. I can suggest a couple of ways one might deal with the situation. The simplest, of course, being the indirect approach, or as I like to call it "let THEM deal with it." Go as you must, do what thou wilt, and when the snide and snarkiness hits your text messaging screen, you make the conscious choice to remind yourself that you have no reason to feel guilty. In fact, you're being wronged by that. You can choose to ignore the messages, particularly as they turn sour-- one of the best communication techniques afforded us by the advent of text messaging is that silence can be interpreted any number of ways. If you get an aggressive or ugly text, you can ignore it, and let the sender make of that as they will. If they're the kind of friend worth having, they may just think, upon cooling down, that they've crossed a line, and thus learn a lesson. The problem here isn't on YOUR end. You're living your life. You just have a needy friend who has a schedule far less busy than your own, who lacks in social graces, and is clearly trying to exploit your sensitive nature into guilt reactions. There's no reason to succumb to any of that. At all.

If it gets worse, I'd confront the person directly. A simple phone call, or perhaps a face-to-face conversation in calmer times. You can't see this person as often as you normally do, but if you stop by, say your peace, and do it respectfully, you'll likely get a good result. If it doesn't work, it's not your fault-- maybe this friend is not the best kind, or maybe there are factors present causing stress to your friend, leading them to act contrary to their past nature. Regardless of how you choose to deal actively with the situation, whether you ignore or confront (and if it was me, I'd ignore, and only confront if it didn't improve), the real lesson here is to not choose this burden for your own shoulders. You're carrying the weight of your own life, your own problems, your own stresses; you're far better off not adding to that load simply because a friend of yours is insensitive.

That's my word on that. I hope it helps. Question Dos is much easier. Speaking as both a male and a particularly awesome one at that, I can suggest that you think in terms of an event, to reward your beau for his supportive nature. Rather than simply going with a dinner, or a card, or the lingerie (all really great ideas), I would try to make a night, or a weekend, or a day, whatever, of it all-- plan in detail an event, for just the two of you. Think of things, small things, things you can make, things you can do, things you can create. The perfect itunes playlist, the perfect dinner; the perfect mood, the perfect moment. A combination of small things can become a memory that will carry this young man much further than an isolated gift. The tangible things are beautiful, but a memory goes everywhere. Consider what would make HIM happy, and what would excite you in preparing for him, from top to bottom: mood, sounds, intimacy, attention. I love the idea of hand-made gifts and a well-prepared dinner, but with a little planning, you can combine all the best of your many lovely charms into a night he will carry in his heart for the rest of his life. Plus, you're going to have an amazing time plotting, planning, and conniving. Use your good judgement-- I'm fully confident that you'll be able to exceed even your own expectations.

Regarding your final aside: with your coloration, I've always thought green a good look for you, provided it's a rich one. The symbolism of vitality while dancing and debauching on the mighty Ohio River is potent indeed. That's just off the top of my head, though.

I hope this has been helpful for you, and remember: you can strike a balance no matter how slender the beam. This is true for every aspect of your life. If you need any further advice, you know where to reach me.

Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday

Camels vs. Dolphins

Dear Dr. Sunday,

Firstly, thank you for your thoughts on my ice cream query. I had never thought to replace strawberry in the classic neopolitan combo with mint. Inspired. But I have another one for you: ever since this question was brought to me via my beloved Internets, I have not been able to reach a satisfactory answer. I sit up nights, weighing the options (that is a lie). I asked my friends what they thought on the Twitters some time ago, but they were as divided as I (that is a truth).

My question is, which animal is the most smug: dolphins or camels?

My favorite internet thinker seems to hate them both equally:

Camels: http://www.fupenguin.com/2008/12/camels-are-played-out.html
Dolphins: http://www.fupenguin.com/2008/11/dolphin-swagger-makes-me-sick.html

If HE cannot solve his very important debate, then what hope have I? Dolphins are pretty damn holier-than-thou in general, yet camels often seem inconvenienced to even take the effort to spit on passing travelers. Is there another animal I have yet to consider that is even more smug than these two? I am at a loss. You are my last hope, Dr. S.

- Confused on Chase

Dear Confused,

I had to spend some time, doing a fair bit of research, and consulting a wide range of experts on the topic (and by a wide range of experts, I mean asking my dad over the telephone while discussing unrelated matters). My dad’s answer (what the hell is wrong with you, son?) wasn’t completely useful, but some simple detective work provided much more useful information.

Camels are certainly smug, and they spit, which is rather nasty. They take a great deal of pride in their ability to conserve large quantities of water, and are efficient as methods of conveyance, despite their relative ugliness. Additionally, take a look at any Nativity scene– there are Camels, hanging out at the birth of Christ, having carried the Magi to bring Him some Christmas presents, thinking to themselves “history will remember us, and That Baby Over There, we’re awesome.” These facts do not escape the camel, as any google image search will reveal a very smug and self-satisfied look, although some justification for this can be assumed, if only slightly, because they do, in some respects, meet their own hype. Think of the Camel as Mother Nature’s Prius Owner.

Now, the Dolphin, on the other hand; that’s a horse of a different color. This is an animal who looks like it was designed by the hand of an artist in the early 80’s, the kind of person who wears neon tank tops and Zubaz pants, capped by wrap-around shades. We’re talking about an animal that looks as though its sole purpose in the world is to be airbrushed onto the backs of white tshirts with cheesy slogans and sunsets. This is why the Dolphin smiles– if the Camel is the Prius Owner, the Dolphin is the Cokehead Investment Banker in the Red Mustang, Blasting Whitesnake with the Top Down and Leering at Women while Cutting You off in Traffic. But it gets worse, so much worse.

You see, the Intenet, in its infinite wisdom, also tells us that the Dolphin follows that metaphor of the smug asshole just a little bit farther. There are countless reports, and I’ll just link a couple here, of Dolphins sexually assaulting humans while in the water– which oftentimes causes the victims to drown. That’s right, those smug assholes who contribute nothing to the world except for really bad ankle tattoos are serial rapists/murderers who consider themselves above the law. This is where the old saying comes from: “Never take a drink from a Dolphin, or leave your drink unattended while in the company of Dolphins.” The stories are disturbing, and these links are just the tip of the iceberg:

Shocking.
Deplorable.
EVIL.


And still they smile for the camera... smug bastards.

So, Confused, I think the answer is obvious: Camels are certainly smug, but Dolphins are more smug, and are huge assholes to boot. I hope this helps you, and stay out of the water.

Always Listening,
Dr. Sunday

About/FAQ

1.SO, WHAT IS THIS? Good question. Here’s how it works:

I’m going to solve all of your problems for you, or at least do my best at it. The concept is simple, and wide open: you ask me a question, and I answer to the best of my ability. You can ask on any subject: I am offering my services freely, and without restriction. We can talk relationships, personal issues, arts/crafts, music, sex, death, faith, magic, folk medicine, whatever. I can share science and sorcery with you, health and hygiene; change your life, or change a toilet flapper. Ask me anything, seriously.

This is one part social experiment, one part advice column, one part human-wikipedia, stirred lightly and poured over ice into a glass of entertainment. I want to enlighten and entertain, and I expect I’m going to be rather humorous from time to time. I will, however, endeavor to make this every bit worth your while and mine.

I intend to answer your questions and propose solutions to your problems, with the wisdom and wit of a hip and handsome Solomon.

You will receive a personal reply from me on every question you propose, well before it appears in the actual blog. So get asking!

2.”DOCTOR” SUNDAY? Slow down, there, kids. It’s an affectation, a nom de web.

I know quite a lot on a wide variety of topics, and have a quick set of wits, a broad base of knowledge, and mainly, I enjoy the challenge. I have no formal qualifications whatsoever for what I propose. I’m not a doctor, a lawyer, priest, life coach or Jedi Master. I’m just a vaguely effeminate (and slightly geeky) insomniac, a lush with a wicked fashion sense and a certain degree of animal cunning, a potty mouth, and a winning smile.

3. HOW CAN I SUBMIT A QUESTION? CAN I BE ANONYMOUS? DO YOU EDIT THESE? Here are the rules for submissions.

If you want to ask a question, just do so. Send one to stephensunday at gmail dot com, or fire one my way on facebook or on my twitter. If you want to be anonymous, just say so, or use a funny, advice-column-esque pseudonym. If you want to be anonymous even to ME, then send it from an email address that doesn’t include your name.
Will I edit your questions? Only for spelling and grammar, unless you make a typo I find hilarious. The only other time I’ll edit your words would be if you ask me to change certain facts/details because the context might reveal your identity– but you have to ASK me to do that.
I’ll answer any questions submitted directly before I actually publish them, and if you really want my help but DO NOT want to be published, you’ll have to ask me really, really nicely. Bribery helps too.

4.WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? Because I can. I’m good at what I do, and because it pleases me to do so.

Have fun, kids. I’m listening.